The basic principles of success according to W. Clement Stone, businessman, philanthropist, and self-help book author are:
Inspiration to action—self-motivation.
Know-how.
Activity knowledge.
Before we get started, make sure you've followed the advice in the preface and have already scheduled the following:
Day 13: A full-day team meeting (offsite if possible)
Days 18 and 25: Two half-day meetings
In my late teenage years, I was exposed to inspirational speakers and motivational seminars. At that time, I had a thirst to learn all I could about success, motivation, and myself. That thirst remained with me all my life and has rewarded me with a life of realized dreams; dreams that I did not believe to be possible at first.
It all starts with a dream.
Let's pretend you have a magic wand. If there was one thing in life that you would like to be, do, or have, as if nothing were impossible, there are no limitations, barriers, or reasons not to have it, what would that one thing be?
Take a few moments and reflect on it being accomplished. See it, hear it, feel it.
Now, what if you had a team that could see, hear, and feel those same sensations?
What would their motivation, or performance, be like?
Have you ever wondered what motivation is all about?
Why is motivation so important? Where does it come from—is it temporary or permanent?
Why and how do people react to the carrot and stick approach?
Why are some people always motivated and others not?
And can you, as a team leader, really motivate your team or not?
In this chapter you will learn to look inward using exercises that will help you to:
Identify your personal and professional dreams and desires, the foundation to internal and permanent motivation
Identify what motivates and demotivates you, along with positive and negative messages that have motivated you in the past
Identify your values, strengths, and weaknesses
Conduct a personal evaluation of yourself in eight key areas of your life
Identify your limiting beliefs, and replace them with the opposite belief
Improve your attitude
Identify and overcome your fears and accept failure as a learning opportunity
Once you understand what motivation is all about, you will need to complete some exercises to understand yourself first. Once you experience self-motivation and understand yourself better, you will be able to apply the same techniques with your team, based on experience. It is important that you take the time to complete each exercise as it appears, before moving on.
Many people attend motivational talks and seminars to get motivated. All kinds of people attend my motivational events and I always ask them, by a show of hands, "How many of you think I can motivate you today?"
All the hands go up in the air.
Then I tell the participants that they are in the wrong room, because I learned a long time ago that I cannot motivate anybody.
Let's understand that only I can motivate myself and only you can motivate yourself.
As a motivational trainer, all I can do is provide you with the ideas, concepts, and tools you will need, but the final decision of what you do with these things is up to whom?
You! Only you can motivate yourself! Would you agree?
If you do not agree, it is because you are focused on external motivation, which is only a temporary solution. Personally, I do not want to waste my time on temporary solutions.
The same holds true for motivating your team. You cannot motivate them, but you can inspire them and create an environment in which they motivate themselves.
Success is defined as the progressive realization of a worthy goal or idea. It is desire and the envisaging of success that creates self-motivation. When you can see, feel, and hear the outcome of your desire, you create the belief that it will happen. These expectations motivate you toward those images of success.
Motivation is a desire held in the expectation that it will be accomplished. It all starts with desire—having a burning passion for something. Without desire, you cannot be motivated.
Once the desire has set in, you must see, hear, and feel your dream—and be able to visualize it in detail as if it already exists. This is the only true form of motivation because it comes from inside you. This is known as internal or permanent motivation.
Motivation is a motive for action. We are motivated towards images of success, which we expect to provide us with pleasure and gain. At the same time, we are motivated to avoid failure, pain, and loss.
If we keep images of success, pleasure, and gain in our mind, we will be motivated towards them. However, if we keep images of failure, pain, and loss foremost in our mind, we will be motivated merely to stay away from them, or just not be motivated at all.
Unfortunately, so many people rely on external motivators, for example, lottery tickets and incentives. These types of external motivators have a problem—their effect doesn't last. As soon as you acquire an incentive, you'll want a bigger and better one. This is the carrot and stick approach.
As soon as you face up to a threat, the threat will no longer stop you. The only true form of motivation comes from you, for you. This is internal motivation—the only everlasting motivation.
Motivation is the ability to see, in the present, a projection of the future that you want. To do that, you will have to answer the questions in the following exercises.
My goal in writing this book is to help you help yourself; to connect you to the most accurate central processing unit there is—you! To do this, I will provide you with a step-by-step approach, complete with exercises to help you understand you. Only when you go inside to find answers will you find the truth. Once you write it out, you take ownership and your commitment levels increase.
In most organizations, management devotes enormous energy to setting work objectives and conducting performance reviews for individual employees. Corporations go through this time-consuming and costly exercise to ensure the most favorable results for their firm.
In contrast, how much time and energy do you expend discovering your own needs and desires, and then consciously setting objectives, developing action plans with measurable performance standards, and finally reviewing your own performance?
By engaging in such an exercise, you will be doing something with your life. You will be going to work on yourself, for yourself, and then you will be in a better position to help motivate your team.
Please find a notebook that you can use to take notes and answer the questions in. This notebook will serve as a reference as well as your map moving forward.
The simple act of completing these exercises will help you discover what makes you self-motivated. Please note the answers for the following questions in your notebook:
What do you want for yourself (personally) in the future?
What do you want for yourself (professionally) in the future?
What do you want for your team in the future?
What motivates me?
What demotivates me?
What are some conditioning influences that affect me?
What are some negative messages that motivate me? (For example, "You can't do it!")
What are some positive messages that motivate me? (For example., "You can do it!")
Your fundamental beliefs are your values. Values are also known as principles, ideals, convictions, or purposes. Your beliefs are important to you, and will motivate you. The following exercise will help you set your life's priorities.
Values are the basis for the laws that govern society. Murder, theft, and assault, for example, violate society's common values. Society's values, and by extension its laws, provide us with the structure that helps us organize our lives.
By clarifying your values, you create a structure upon which you can build your personal and business life. You must understand your values before you can master the rest of the disciplines in this book.
The following table lists many of the things that motivate people. Rate each motivator according to how much you value it as always, often, sometimes, seldom, or never. Then go back and rank your "Always valued" checks in order of their importance to you. It is these values that will help you find your passion and motivate you and ultimately motivate your team.
Motivator |
Always valued |
Often valued |
Sometimes valued |
Seldom valued |
Never valued |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
Advancement | |||||
Adventure | |||||
Aesthetics | |||||
Authority/power | |||||
Challenge | |||||
Change/variety | |||||
Community | |||||
Competence | |||||
Competition | |||||
Creativity | |||||
Decision-making | |||||
Excitement | |||||
Family | |||||
Freedom | |||||
Friendships | |||||
Group affiliations | |||||
Helping others | |||||
Helping society | |||||
Independence | |||||
Influencing people | |||||
Intelligence | |||||
Job security | |||||
Knowledge | |||||
Location of home | |||||
Location of work | |||||
Money | |||||
Moral standards | |||||
New ideas/things | |||||
Personal contact | |||||
Personal security | |||||
Physical challenge | |||||
Public contact | |||||
Recognition | |||||
Religious beliefs | |||||
Salary level | |||||
Stability | |||||
Status | |||||
Supervision | |||||
Tranquility | |||||
Working alone | |||||
Working under pressure | |||||
Working with people | |||||
Other |
Now that you have ranked the motivators that you always value, you can answer the following two questions in your notebook:
What is important to me now, in the short term?
What is important to me in my life, in the long term?
Another exercise to get to know yourself better is to identify your strengths and weaknesses. It is important for you to take the time to do this, as it is an exercise that will be repeated later with your team where everyone on the team will contribute to each others' list. For now, list your strengths and weaknesses:
STRENGTHS |
WEAKNESSES |
---|---|
I am good at: |
I need improvement in: |
1.___________________________ 2. ___________________________ 3. ___________________________ 4. ___________________________ 5. ___________________________ 6. ___________________________ 7. ___________________________ 8. ___________________________ 9. ___________________________ 10. __________________________ |
1.___________________________ 2. ___________________________ 3. ___________________________ 4. ___________________________ 5. ___________________________ 6. ___________________________ 7. ___________________________ 8. ___________________________ 9. ___________________________ 10. __________________________ |
Rarely does one take the time to reflect on oneself. We are so busy in the "outside" world, how can we ever find time to "look inside" ourselves? When you do take the time, and reflect from the inside out, you make progress. In the following sections I have identified eight areas of your life that I would like you to reflect on.
These exercises are meant to help you see your situation, understand why you rate yourself as you do, and decide what actions you can take to improve your ratings. It will give you a base to measure your progress as you rate yourself in the future.
In the following exercise, rate yourself from 1 to 10 on how you see or feel about yourself, with 1 being poor, and 10 being great.
For example: appearance, medical check-ups, exercise programs, weight control, and nutrition:
Rating _______
Why did you rate yourself like this?
Identify the positive factors
Identify areas for improvement
What actions must I take to be closer to a 10?
For example: listening habits, forgiving attitude, good role model, time together, supportive of others, respectful, and loving:
Rating _______
Why did you rate yourself like this?
Identify the positive factors
Identify areas for improvement
What actions must I take to be closer to a 10?
For example: earnings, savings and investments, budget, adequate insurance, and charge accounts:
Rating _______
Why did you rate yourself like this?
Identify the positive factors
Identify areas for improvement
What actions must I take to be closer to a 10?
For example: sense of humor, listening habits, self-confidence, manners, and caring:
Rating _______
Why did you rate yourself like this?
Identify the positive factors
Identify areas for improvement
What actions must I take to be closer to a 10?
For example: inner peace, sense of purpose, prayer, religious study, and belief in God:
Rating _______
Why did you rate yourself like this?
Identify the positive factors
Identify areas for improvement
What actions must I take to be closer to a 10?
For example: imagination, attitude, continuing education, reading, and curiosity:
Rating _______
Why did you rate yourself like this?
Identify the positive factors
Identify areas for improvement
What actions must I take to be closer to a 10?
For example: job satisfaction, effectiveness, job training, understanding job purpose, and competence:
Rating _______
Why did you rate yourself like this?
Identify the positive factors
Identify areas for improvement
What actions must I take to be closer to a 10?
For example: engaging, facilitating, empowering, decision making, inspiring, recognition and praise, and demonstrating appropriate behaviors:
Rating _______
Why did you rate yourself like this?
Identify the positive factors
Identify areas for improvement
What actions must I take to be closer to a 10?
I believe that we came into this world as miracles, and as equal human beings regardless of race, religion, color, nationality, sex, title, or role. From that point on we have been exposed to family, religion, education, friends, the media, and so on. We have become influenced by many outside sources. We have accepted their messages or we have rejected them. Either way, we have become who we are based on what we have allowed to enter into our subconscious mind.
We have created our own fears, limitations, and beliefs and we have become who we are because of it. It is important to understand that our beliefs determine our attitudes and that our attitudes determine how we feel. How we feel determines our actions and our actions determine the results we get in life.

Your beliefs, based on past experiences and what you have let in from the outside world, determine your attitude. Your attitude will determine how you feel. How you feel determines the actions you take, and the ultimate results that you get in life. The first thing to do is to review your beliefs. You are now an adult and should be able to distinguish between fact and fiction—what do you really believe about you? What is real and what is not? Only you can change your beliefs.
How you see yourself, your self-worth, your self-esteem, and your self-confidence are all part of your attitude. How others see you, or perceive you, can influence your attitude, as it has in the past. That is external influence. If you accept that influence, whether it is positive or negative, you will let it affect you internally.
Most of us go through life accepting too many external comments that lead us to believe that we are not good enough, attractive enough, strong enough, experienced enough, and the list goes on. Until we realize who we really are, we can fall into these traps and stay there.
In our younger years we picked up a lot of baggage. Some of it was good and some of it was not so good. Most of the time, as children, we believed what we were told. Many people received positive reinforcement, while others received negative comments.
Anyone who was overweight, underweight, tall or short, handicapped, or different, knows what I am talking about. The comments that we accepted as truth became part of us and led us to believing in ourselves, or disliking ourselves, as we are.
Go to your notebook and write out the answers to the following questions:
Can you identify the beliefs that are holding you back?
What would be the opposite of those beliefs that you would like to believe?
How can you make this new belief a reality?
How do you want to lead your life—from the outside in, or the inside out?
Attitude is the key success factor and the foundation to your success.
Rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 on how you feel about your attitude, 1 being poor and 10 being excellent.
Why did you rate yourself like that?
What must you do to be a 10?
What is attitude? Attitude is your way of thinking or behaving. Your attitude towards people influences your behavior towards them. Your attitude affects your level of satisfaction with your life, and with your job. Your attitude affects everyone who comes into contact with you. Your attitude is reflected in your tone of voice, posture, and facial expressions. Your attitude can affect your health.
It is your attitude that will make the biggest difference in your life—particularly when it comes to what you want to be, do, or have.
Your past and present are a result of your past attitude. However, your present attitude will determine your future. Right now, you are the author of your future.
Attitude is the "advance person" of our true selves. Its roots are inward, based on past experiences, but its fruit is outward. It can be our best friend, or our worst enemy. It is more honest and more consistent than our words. It is a thing that either draws people to us or repels them. It is never content until it is expressed. It is the librarian of our past, the speaker of our present, and the prophet of our future. Yet, your attitude is under whose control?
The greatest thing about attitude is that it is not fixed and it is 100 percent under your control. Your attitude is up to you, as is your future!
When you become aware of those external influences and decide to lead from within, you start to take control of your attitude.
You have a choice to make. You could be like everyone else and think about it. But what happens when we think about doing something?
Quite often fear sets in and stops us dead in our tracks. Once fear sets in, indecision follows. With indecision comes procrastination. With procrastination comes paralysis, and nothing changes. That is one choice. There is, however, another choice.
Go to your notebook now and answer the following questions, as your fears could be paralyzing you:
What are my fears?
What have these fears prevented me from doing?
What experiences caused each fear?
If I face each fear head on, what is the worst thing that can happen?
What can I do to overcome each fear?
The other choice is to do the opposite. Don't think about it, "just do it" as Nike says! If you just go and do it, what is the worst thing that can happen?
Right, you may fail. And if you fail, what is the outcome?
When I was 22 years old, I realized I lost the first 20 years of my life. I was born in a small family business and did not have a normal childhood. After school I would help my parents in the business. I did not play sports or go on vacations like other kids did.
By the time I was 11 years old, I was running a part of the business. But then as I became a teenager, I developed a bad case of acne, and in the process lost my self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth and hid from the world.
It wasn't until I was 18 that I looked at myself for the first time in the mirror in over five years. However, this time was different. I wanted to get to know myself.
Over the years, I got to know myself really well, from the inside-out. I also got to learn how one becomes a product of their environment. At the same time I got exposed to a lot of motivational training.
By the time I reached 20, I noticed how people, including myself, were lacking courage because of fear. I soon realized that fear was nothing more than a state of mind and what the mind thinks about, it will attract. It was at this point that I started to build up my courage by facing my fears head on. As a door-to-door salesman at the time, I overcame the fear of cold door knocking and became a successful salesperson in the process.
As I overcame my fears and developed more courage, I also noticed how people dealt with failure. Knowing that I do not follow the crowds and that I usually do the opposite, I decided to explore failure. What I found was that people would beat themselves up when they failed, lowering their self-esteem, self-confidence, and courage levels to the point where they do not take action—fear of failure.
When I realized the opposite, the learning that comes out of failure, I decided to give myself permission to have 10 learning opportunities a day. The more I fail, the more I learn. However, I do not beat myself up; I build myself up once I learn the lesson. I have failed so often in my life that the cards are now in my favor for success. Don't you wish you could fail and learn more often?
Remember, that success is based on good judgment. Good judgment comes from experience. And how does one get experience? Sometimes we have to fail often to succeed once. But that fear of failure stops us from even trying. That is one of the reasons we procrastinate.
We think about it too much. If you just do it and fail, what is the worst thing that can happen? You will learn a lesson. If you really want to succeed, you may have to double your failure rate.
When I realized this, I developed a "do it now" attitude. I no longer thought endlessly about things, because I realized that the longer I thought about doing something, the longer I would hesitate before doing it; or, I might not do it at all.
I put procrastination behind me and started to just do things without thinking, realizing that the worst that could happen is that I would learn something.
Failure is part of my daily life. I don't always take the time to think things out. I am a doer; I learn and move forward by doing.
This gives me lots of opportunities to fail, and to be criticized. I have experienced so much failure in my life that I am now wise because of it. I believe that both failure and success are part of life's balance.
The more you try, the more you fail—and the more you succeed! If you don't try, you'll neither fail nor succeed.
When society realizes the good that comes out of failure, and recognizes people for trying, the world will be better for it. All success comes from failure. No one in the world has succeeded without first trying, failing, learning, making changes, and moving on.
Always remember that you have the right to fail; you no longer have to make excuses for your failed attempts. Instead, reflect on that failure and learn from it. That experience will provide you with better judgment for the future, and will eventually lead you to success.
Failure is not easy to accept, but there is an alternative way to get around it. When people fail, they have a tendency to beat themselves up through their self-talk. When you do this, you are lowering your self-confidence, self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth. You do this to the point where you no longer take risks or try to do something out of the ordinary. You have become like a lot of other people and no longer takes risks.
The alternative is to rebuild that courage that you used to have as a child. To do things and to accept failure as a part of life's learning.
However, when you fail, do not beat yourself up—look for the lesson learned. Once you have found a learned lesson, pat yourself on the back for having the courage to do something you have not done before. This, in turn, will build your self-confidence, self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth.
It will give you the courage to succeed in life and make you feel good about yourself.
Note
Tip
Warning: Patting yourself on the back too often can go to your head. To avoid ego trips, always end the pat on the back with a hand movement across the neck, indicating that you do not want it to go to your head.
You need to be able to see the good behind every experience in life. Rather than criticizing yourself or others for failure, recognize the things that were done right, the effort of trying, and the lessons learned. So, what is stopping you from moving forward?
In this chapter you learned to look inward and you answered a lot of questions that have helped you to discover:
Your personal and professional dreams and desires, the foundation to internal and permanent motivation
What motivates and demotivates you, along with positive and negative messages that have motivated you in the past
Your values, your strengths, and your weaknesses
How to improve via a personal evaluation of yourself in eight key areas of your life
Your limiting beliefs, and how to replace them with the opposite belief
How to improve your attitude
What your fears are and how to overcome them
How to accept failure as a learning opportunity
In the next chapter you will learn how to become an effective facilitator and start preparing to facilitate a team effectiveness meeting.